Opinion: Sorry, Not Sorry
When will people stop apologizing for things they meant to say?
Last Tuesday, Susan Sarandon shared a tweet with a picture of the massive funeral procession for NYC officer Jason Rivera and the caption “I’m gonna tell my kids this is what fascism looks like.” The meme seems to have been created by Danny Haiphong, who describes himself as “an internationalist, an anti-imperialist, and a firm proponent of developing independent working class organization and media that is capable of taking us out of the era of imperialist hegemony.”
To the aforementioned meme, Sarandon added this: “So, if all these cops weren't needed for CRIME that day, doesn't that mean they aren't needed ANY day?” along with the hashtag #abolishthepolice.
There’s no indication that Sarandon regretted her tweet, until the backlash began. The NYC Police Benevolent association chastised Sarandon for using her privilege as an actress to mock heroes. The National Fraternity Order of Police called her words “inflammatory.”
Sarandon then issued an apology, and as critical readers, we need to break it down:
"I reacted quickly to the picture without connecting it to a police funeral….”
Stop right there. What exactly did she think this was? Two police officers were murdered in the line of duty, and as is customary, their fellow brothers and sisters in blue turned out en masse to show their support. You either think it’s wonderful that police officers come from all over the country to honor slain fellow officers, or you think it’s excessive, obnoxious and representative of fascist behavior.
"I realize now how insensitive and deeply disrespectful it was to make that point at that time."
The wording above indicates only the timing was off on her comment; at another point it would have been okay to equate a large gathering of police officers with fascism and to include the hashtag #abolishthepolice.
"I sincerely apologize to the family of Officers Rivera and Mora for causing additional pain during their time of grieving."
It’s good that she added that line, because the families of Officers Rivera and Mora have been through hell and they didn’t need to feel any worse.
We have become a nation of finger-pointers and apologizers. I don’t like what you said or wrote, so I’m going to call you out on social media and you will be forced to issue an apology (sincere or not). In the olden days, if someone said or wrote something we found offensive or dangerous, we stopped watching their shows, listening to their music, reading their books. We didn’t give two hoots if they publicly apologized because, quite frankly, we assumed they felt no remorse for what had been said.
Can we go back to that, please?
Partially sincere (or completely insincere) apologies take away from an important reality: Most people mean what they say or write. Sure, sometimes people repost a meme or sound off on something during a moment of passion, but quite often they have put a lot of thought into their words and put them out there for a reason.
Susan Sarandon thinks the police should be abolished. She wasn’t sorry about that. Rather, she was sorry that she said what she meant at an extremely inappropriate time. There’s a difference, and it’s not subtle.
Let’s realize that these “inflammatory” statements often have a stamp of approval from at least a portion of society. More than a few people agree with Sarandon’s desire to do away with the police. So issuing an apology is kind of like saying to those who share your stance, “Look, I really do feel the same way as you, but I’ve got to save face for the sake of my livelihood. So just bear with me and when this blows over, I’ll be right back there with you.” Seems a tad hypocritical.
Finally, unless someone has offended all of society, it’s unnecessary and, in fact, ridiculous, to issue a public apology. It’s especially senseless if you have not learned something but instead feel compelled to address the situation to maintain your reputation. This goes for anyone, not just Sarandon. She just happens to be the latest in a long line of people riding the “I’m sorry” train.
If you do feel you need to ask for forgiveness, reaching out to the specific person you’ve offended is the right way to go. Telling all of us that you’re sorry just leads us to believe you’re really not all that sorry, but maybe you’re more concerned about losing your job or destroying your career. It’s not my forgiveness for which Sarandon should beg; it’s that of Officer Rivera’s widow and the rest of his family. Set up a private phone call and take it up with them.
Otherwise, stick to your guns; don’t apologize for what you really meant to say. Instead, let the chips fall where they may. Those who are offended will likely still feel the same way, whether you apologize or not.