Mourning Someone I Didn't Know
Deborah Finck passed away on Jan. 14. She was a wife and mother of six children. She was an artist and seemed to enjoy her life, which was cut short by cancer. Deborah was 55 years old.
I didn’t know Deborah. Up until five weeks ago, I had never heard of her. A mindless late-night scroll through TikTok introduced me to her.
The first video I saw was from February 2023. Deborah described how, in 2020, she was finally diagnosed with cancer after months of being told her shortness of breath was due to everything from bronchitis to asthma. The eventual diagnosis was Intimal Sarcoma, and she had to have emergency surgery to remove a tumor in her pulmonary artery. “Only 250-350 people in the world have ever had it,” Deborah explained. “And pretty much you’re dead.”
Fearing the worst, she said goodbye to her family before the surgery. “And then I woke up, and it was the best day of my life,” Deborah recalled.
What struck me immediately was how spirited Deborah was, even though she was very sick. I also noticed that while she was matter-of-fact about her disease and how it would eventually take her life, Deborah had a strong desire to keep living.
I spent another hour or so watching earlier videos of Deborah’s, including the very first one in 2022, when she explained she had been battling cancer for more than two years. Rather than being maudlin, the video was joyful. After Deboraoh talked about “lots of fun stuff” she had endured, including the open heart surgery, chemo, radiation and a lung removal, she excitedly chatted about her passion for drawing. She then proceeded to show drawings of some of her children. They were highly defined and captured their youthful beauty.
Deborah’s voice was clear and perky in these videos, which progress through 2023. She took the time to show viewers how she created her drawings of people and animals. Cancer seemed like a far-off notion rather than an everyday fact of Deborah’s life.
A year later, Deborah remained upbeat, but her voice was noticeably strained. She often coughed. The disease was slowly zapping her energy, but Deborah fought with everything she had. She talked about doctors with bad bedside manners, insurance companies lacking compassion and inedible hospital food. She matter-of-factly described her health struggles while reveling in small joys like getting homemade pancakes from her sister.
By the middle of 2024, Deborah was facing the reality of death. She made videos for each of her children and shared them on TikTok. These videos revealed Deborah’s mastery at bringing strangers into her life without making them feel sorry for her. Instead, we become a part of the happy and sad moments as we feel Deborah's love for each of her children. We’re thankful for the extra blessing of getting to know them.
I took some time off from TikTok around the holidays. By the time I returned, Deborah’s condition had worsened. She was in and out of the hospital and was hoping to be home for her final days. Even so, she didn’t give up her zest for life. She loved it so fiercely that she always talked about how much she didn’t want it to end. “I wanna be here, but I guess God has other plans,” she said.
In one of her final videos, Deborah watched one of her daughters try on wedding dresses. Although her daughter wasn’t yet engaged, a company arranged for her to try on some gowns at Deborah’s home. Weak but excited, Deborah oohed and ahhed at each one. She noted that they wouldn’t share the one her daughter ultimately picked so that one day, others could be surprised. How beautiful that Deborah got to see the dress before anyone else.
The last video I watched was on Jan. 7. “I’m getting worse, and it’s not getting better,” Deborah said through belabored breathing. “I miss you guys,” she told her viewers. “I wish you guys the best of everything. You’re all good people. Stay that way.” Classic Deborah. Offering kind words to her followers in the midst of her decline. Even in this state, her viewers prayed for a miracle, finding it hard to believe that someone as animated as Deborah would succumb to cancer.
She had some good days after that, but early on Jan. 15, I saw she had passed. I felt a little foolish getting teary-eyed over someone I didn’t know, but I soon realized I was not the only one. Deborah touched many people through her TikTok videos. She taught us a lot about staying positive, cherishing what’s important and leaving this world a better place.
In one of her final videos, Deborah offered sage advice for those of us she left behind: “Always be happy. Don’t be sad because life is really, really good.”
Godspeed, Deborah Finck. And thank you.
Here is Deborah’s obituary if you want to learn more about her.